I’ve now written a slew about Intimate Tourism, and most people who have read my previous blogs (especially the last few) probably get the gist. Enough allready. Clap her off. We get it. Tourism is changing. Friendship is changing. The internet is helping it all change.
But I just got a’thinkin’ the other day, as one Couchsurfer, who shall remain nameless, left my apartment: what happens when hospitality network tourism doesn’t in fact become intimate? Why do people enter into my home, and refuse to fall into these categories I put down, the categories of instant closeness, opening up to me (the stranger), sharing their soul in the name of “personal growth”? Why doesn’t it happen?
I am at a loss for what to say right now. Just take this recent example: Couchsurfer “Z” stays at my apartment for 3 days. Z is a nice person: friendly, smiley, kind. But Z doesn’t want to talk about anything unless I ask. And when Z talks, it’s about Z’s life back home, cultural traditions, and studying at University. Nothing more than what you’d regularily talk about with your distant cousin Hilda. I am dissapointed. Here I have this great opportunity to delve into the realms of intimate dialogue fostered by this intimate space of my apartment… and zilch. Nothing.
I’m curious to know why two people sometimes don’t “click” despite the fact that both individuals may be nice people, friendly, funny. It’s that feeling when we meet a mutual friend, and when our friend asks us what we thought of Olek, we say “he’s a nice guy I guess but I don’t think I could be friends with him…. something just didn’t ‘click.’” When we try to find something negative to say about Olek, it’s almost impossible. The only thing we know is that we wouldn’t get along with him.
I keep thinking back to this question I asked within my online survey about “personal growth.” A broad term indeed. But perhaps this “click” has something to do with what, our defintion is of ‘personal growth,’ or, if we even think of defnining it in the first place. Connection between individuals is so heavily based on a feeling of reciprocity – and this reciprocity is not only manifested in actions (ex: I help you move, you walk my dog) but also, and I would argue, more importantly, in dialogue. If one person values discussion about sports, hobbies and beer drinking, and another values discussion about their dreams, for example, then the two will simply not ‘click.’ Common dialogue is the fundamental basis of friendship – no matter what the time span of the friendship is.
And god knows I know squat about football.
So remember folks: theory is just theory. There’s always exeptions to the rules. And when your discussion has no hopes for being intimate, just shut your mouth and listen to more football stats.
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